The Final Cattle of Farmer Geddon

Little Fears Presents JanuaryB January

Written by: Peter Edwards

Publish by: Independently published

Copyright:  © 2017

Puns, discovered on eon old Sumerian cuneiform writings, are some of the oldest forms of humor known to man. Humor does not get any lower than a pun. To pun is to groan. I do love puns.

Peter Edwards delivers non-stop punnery paired with zany ink scratches, providing much needed levity to counter the daily dose of  fishstressing current events in Little Fears Presents January. A lively and quick read, delivering your daily dose of groans.

A fleeting and final dose of groans from the 2017 O. Henry Pun Off winner, Southpaw Jones:

Tomorrow’s Mother’s day, so give me a wide birth from this gestation, period. Not to bore children, crown around, or stirrup trouble, but to breech a little spermon induce labor-ious minutes for my mom and all Lamaze newborn not. I’m gonna trimester to come to term with it all, but I’m tearing up already. Mom, thank you for giving me womb to grow, for halloweening, for a family of huggers & huggies, for protesting any sign that cesarean section, for soup when I had a cough. You didn’t just cervix. For the what do you colicky to the door of life’s intercourse that fallopian tube be walked through. You managed to fetus on coo & fundus too, made sure my heart had love and lactate, pushed me to gamete my obligations, spit up straight, egg cell in school where I’d stretch marks as high as onesies. We went to church for maternal soul the grand canyon. That time engorgement so much kayaking. I had faith in utero me to shore. Now, as zygote through life, uterus-t me to live the values you placenta me. What to kn-OBGYN the world am I a letdown? Embryo-iled in crime. I know what it sounds like when a hormones. It was a centimeter and my athlete friend, I sold hemorrhoids. I feel like a real heel prick when we fight. It’s like a doula something, but if I umbilical cord-ially, I know you’ll VBAC on my side. I know lots of parents diaper season, but I object! Permanence, please! I don’t wanna feel that morning sickness. So live long and dilate. There’s a postpartum. Oh! And a mother thing. I love you, Mom!

Groan On.

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